How content can one artist be? Well, the answer is simple: Not a single little bit. Never can, never will. Because the journey of evolving never ends. The aim to be better is always at the far end of the horizon. It feels like you are the donkey and the level of where your work want to be is the carrot infront of your nose. You keep walking and reaching and there will never be the moment of I REACHED MY GOAL. Sometimes I get tiny moments of being content but they past very fast. I COULD´VE DONE IT BETTER. I SHOULD HAVE DONE IT BETTER. Those are my favorite sentences that are running my mind 30 minutes after a shooting.
Oh I found a hard drive that was not working for the past four years and for mysterious reasons IT WORKED all of a sudden. Oh what a treasure! To go through those old pictures. Realizing, wait a minute. My photographic skills weren’t that bad at all. My photoshop skills certainly were a hot mess, but how the hell did I manage to make this kind of pictures with the crappy equipment of mine? And why did I not see the potential of the many pictures that were actually really good ones.
BACK TO THE FIRST PARAGRAPH
Selfcritizism and feeling less then keeps you pushing forward and striving for a higher goal. But what if there is enough room for both feelings inside my head. Maybe the constant frustration kept me in a tunnel and kept me from judging my own work with objectivity.
Sometimes you have to see your work with a strangers eyes. Or strive for more AND compliment yourself at the same time. Just a little soothing compliment like: well girl, you’ve certainly come a long way, nobody taught you what to do or how to do it, but here you are and this pictures is beautiful.
Now get back to work, you lazy ass.